A Long Time Coming

Goodness gracious, I realize it has been ages since I last wrote. For a long while I didn't have the time  to write, what with a new baby in the house plus an active toddler. Then I didn't know what to write. The truth is, life has been a bit crazy for me lately. This wonderful miracle happened to us {Lydia's birth} but intertwined with that has been some of the darkest days of my life. I was diagnosed with post-partum depression and started taking Zoloft about seven weeks ago. About six weeks in I switched to Prozac and upped the dosage to see if it would make a difference {I was experiencing some uncomfortable side effects and didn't think it was really helping overall}. I think it's working better now, but it feels like it's going to be a long way to recovery. I started seeing a Christian therapist last week and really like her. I will be seeing her once a week for the near future and I am hopeful she will help me find healthy ways to cope with crises.

Aside from the post-partum business I have been dealing with some other personal matters that certainly have not helped my situation. I know I am being vague here, but some things I need to keep private. Suffice it to say, if you're the praying type...Doug and I could really use them. {We are all physically healthy...so it's nothing of that nature.}

I had every intention of writing many updates as we adjusted to a family of four. Lydia's first few weeks home {words to describe them: chaotic, overwhelming, wonderful, scary} and her one / two / three month "birthdays" complete with "what she's up to" and "favorites of this stage". I guess I had good intentions. *sigh*

Here are the highlights...

Nursing: it is with a heavy heart I say that breastfeeding did not go as I had hoped and prayed it would. Initially it seemed to be going really well, but it quickly became evident that I was unable to produce enough to fully sustain her. Although it seemed I was making more than with Audrey, it still was not enough to 1) keep her satisfied and 2) help her gain weight. After fifteen weeks {with Audrey I stopped at ten weeks} I have stopped nursing her completely.

Sleeping: the first two weeks Lydia and I spent together snuggling downstairs on the couch. It was some of the sweetest and hardest days of my life. Getting little-to-no sleep and then dealing with a newborn and a toddler was crazy. Throw in the nursing - which is hard enough when it is going right - yeah...stressful. After that she moved to a bassinet in our room where she remains today. From two weeks on she has slept through the night {first it was about 6-7 hours and now it's around 10-12!}. I guess if nursing didn't work out, I am happy that both girls are great sleepers. I am anxious for the day we can move her into the room with Audrey, but for now it's working just fine.

Audrey: from day one Audrey has been in love with her little sister. She is the biggest helper and has such a kind little heart. She has said things like, "thank you mommy for my little sister"; "oooh, I love her!"; "hello sweetheart"; and of course, especially in the beginning, would want to hold her allofthetime. Around the two month mark Audrey started showing some change in behavior - more acting out / wanting more of my attention - but really overall she has been great with Lydia {who we call "Baby Liddy"}. Because Audrey is able to climb in and out of her crib now we set up a toddler bed next to the crib thinking A would be ready to transition to a big girl bed. She still prefers her crib, which means Lydia is still in our room. We are also a little nervous for the girls to be in the same room until Lydia is a bit older, as Audrey will {and does} climb into bed with Lydia.  Audrey hasn't quite mastered the art of being gentle with her little sister all of the time.

Lydia: Also around the two month mark, Lydia started really responding to Audrey. She loves watching her, will smile/laugh for her and nine out of ten times Audrey can get her to stop crying just by sitting close to her. It's amazing how much these two already love each other, I am so excited for them to grow up together! Liddy is an amazingly chill baby. She's happy. She smiles at just about everybody and it's super easy to get her to laugh. I love it! Within the past three weeks she has completely mastered rolling over {back-to-front and front-to-back} and we have busted out the Bumbo seat because she is constantly trying to sit up {so adorable}. It's hard to believe she will be four months old on the 3rd of August! We still don't have much of a nap schedule, but with her sleeping so well at night it's worth the trade off. Plus, like I said, she's a happy baby!

Mommy: I will admit that most days at some point I find a reason to be overwhelmed. There are other days, too, where I feel like supermom and can get a ton of things checked off my list. I have ventured out a few places by myself {like the Children's museum when Lydia was around 6 weeks old} and grocery shopping / Target runs / the park / the library / the mall, etc. Doug has resumed traveling {in the past five weeks he has been gone for four - Sunday night through Wednesday night} and for the most part, I feel like I handle his absence well, considering. Bedtime when I am by myself isn't so scary anymore and I can even give both girls a bath in one night successfully. I also started back to work last week, resuming my three shifts/week schedule {roughly 12-15 hours total} after four and a half months off. I was super anxious about going back, but now that I am back I am finding I actually enjoy it more than I did before. Time away from my kids is necessary for my mental health!

Now that this post is unbelievably long, I will sign off for now. I will attempt to update with some pictures of my little lovelies soon. I have been having fun coordinating their outfits and posing them for pictures. Ha! They'll thank me for it someday, right? :o)