If You Want Me To

You know how when you're little you imagine this life for yourself and then you grow up and it seems to be coming true until one day, everything you thought you knew is gone. Everything is changed. And you don't know how to get it back. And you're devastated. You feel lost. You feel grief-stricken. Sometimes you feel hopeless.

And then there is the aspect of your faith in a higher power than yourself. God. You thought you knew what you believed in. You thought you had it all figured out. You thought He had your best in mind. Until your world is turned upside down and you have a crisis of faith. And you're not sure what to believe in anymore. And you feel alone.

Yeah, that about sums up my life right now.

I feel like I am suffocating. I feel angry. I feel betrayed. I feel alone. I feel devastated. I feel depressed. I feel lonely. I feel grief-stricken. I feel sad. I feel emotional. I feel indifferent. I feel incomplete. I feel furious. I feel confused. I feel raw. I feel desperate. I feel everything.

I have come back to this song again and again and again. I love it. I feel it deep down in my soul. I want to believe it. I really do. Jesus, heal this hurt. Help me to hear your voice and leading during this dark time of my life. Heal me, Jesus. Change me. Make me Yours. Amen.