Oh, Sleep!

We have been trying to transition Audrey into a toddler bed for nearly two weeks.  By toddler bed I mean that we converted her crib into a day-bed type situation with a guard rail.  She is using the same bedding she did before and it's in the same location it's always been in.  When we first set it up {and I would say, even now} she was extremely excited about her "big girl bed" and being able to get in and out of it.  The first two nights were rough...she was up several times in the night, but she was fairly easy to coax back to sleep and she wouldn't leave her room necessarily {although, now, that is obviously an option}.  By Monday morning it was clear she was sick with an upper respiratory virus, so that may have had something to do with the previous nights' too.  Then we seemed to hit a nice groove and for a few nights she was sleeping well and even staying in her room in the morning {albeit she was getting up earlier} until I went in.  I remember texting Doug one such morning to say we have hit the point of successful transition!

We continued on and still had the occasional hiccup now and then with her up in the middle of the night, maybe even her coming out of her room, but nothing to the point we're at now.  For the past week she has been a bit difficult to get down to sleep initially {she'll come out of her room a couple of times before eventually falling asleep}, then she is up 1, 2, 10 times a night; coming out of her room, crying about going back to bed, turning her "noise maker" off {i.e. an air purifier} and acting like it's time to get up!  Don't even get me started on nap time {which is hit or miss these days}.  You think the kid would be exhausted.  I know I am!  It's been the most difficult on two fronts.  One, her constant fighting us tooth and nail about staying in her room {let alone her bed} and two, the fact that I am getting very, very little sleep.  I am already dealing with pregnancy related sleep issues {waking 1-2 times a night to use the bathroom and then most nights I can't fall back asleep, sometimes for hours at a time} and with her night-wakings I am laying in bed with my whole body on alert, waiting for her to get up...again.

This past Saturday I started to feel like I was coming down with the ick Audrey had been dealing with for the previous 2 weeks {week 1, fever; week 2, upper respiratory virus}.  Sunday night we had small group and she had a sleepover at her grandparents' house.  Monday morning I woke up and felt awful.  I preceded to make a very weepy phone call to my in-laws {sadly, this is becoming a regular occurrence lately} to ask if they could keep Audrey for the day because I was a mess {emotionally and physically}.  After hanging up with them I had a good hour-long cry fest.  It felt good and bad all at the same time.  In the midst of my emotional breakdown, I had an epiphany; I realized that as a parent I am expecting too much.  Allow me to explain.

I am expecting...sleep.  The kind that you got before you had kids.  Eight or more uninterrupted hours of pure unadulterated sleep.  And when I don't, I get grumpy/angry/frustrated what have you.  I don't know any parent that has young children and often talks about how rested they are and how much sleep they get.  It's an exhausting job and it's better to be honest about it and call it what it is instead of living in denial...like I have been.

I am expecting...my 2 year old to negotiate with me.  As I learned back when Audrey was an infant, you can't negotiate with little kids.  Especially ones that are not quite old enough to understand why mommy is pleading with them {in the middle of the night} to stay in bed and sleep just a little while longer.  I know Audrey understands the word, "tired" because I will tell her, "Mommy's tired" and she'll either "help" me lay down on the couch and cover me with a blanket or, like last night, she told me I need to go lay in the big bed {i.e. my bed} and then walked with me into my room to make sure I got in it.

And now, to end this extremely long-winded post, I will leave you with a humorous anecdote.  Doug gave me the best Valentine's gift last night.  The gift of sleep.  Our conversation went something like this:

Me: "I am thinking about sleeping downstairs {in the basement} tonight."
Doug: "I think that would be a good idea."
Me: "I feel guilty about leaving you alone to deal with Audrey, though."
Doug: "You need your sleep; it's one night.  And honestly, if you slept upstairs you would be dealing with Audrey by yourself anyway."  {referring to the fact that I wake up first and can't fall back to sleep like Doug can, so I get up anyway}
Me: "Will you hear her?"
Doug: "Yes, I always hear her.  You just hear her first."
Me: "Okay, thank you!"

I settled on to the couch around 10:30 p.m. and fell asleep.  I woke up around 1:30 a.m. to use the bathroom and listened to see if I heard any noises coming from upstairs.  I didn't.  Fell back to sleep.  Woke up to what seemed to be the sound of a door closing.  I checked the time, it was 3:45 a.m.  I laid there waiting to hear more and instead, to my surprise, I watched the door to the family room {where I was} slowly open.  There stood Audrey completely shrouded in darkness.  She had gotten up, turned off her noise maker, left her paci by the radio, opened her {noisy!} door and came downstairs all by herself.  I was a bit startled, wondering if Doug had sent her down because she was crying inconsolably and wanted me {this happens far too often these days - her only wanting me that is}.  I texted Doug, no reply.  I figured he most likely slept through the whole thing, which was later confirmed.  He was completely conked out.  I had to chuckle because of his confidence that he would in fact hear her.  Ha!  I tried getting her back to bed, but she wasn't having it.  Doug put a gate up at her door and I came downstairs, wide awake.  I am pretty sure she didn't go back to sleep since our 3:45 a.m. encounter {and who knows how long she was up before that!?} and neither have I.  At least I got maybe 5 hours of sleep last night.  That's better than some other nights from this past week.  *sigh*  I am so tired.

I am not sure what we're going to do.  I am very, very tempted to put her crib back together.  Doug will be gone the next two weeks for work and I just don't think I can handle this on my own.  My sanity is seriously being stretched to unreasonable lengths these days.  And by the time Doug is home for a little while we'll only be 4 weeks out from my due date, too late to start re-working on transitioning to a toddler bed...so it'd have to be after the baby is here.  A few months after at that.

Say a prayer and wish us luck as we try to decide what to do.  It'd be much appreciated.  :o)