Heart-to-Heart

I have to be honest.  I've been struggling lately.  Struggling with my thoughts.  With condemnation, with doubt, feelings of inadequacy, and with worry of never losing all of my baby weight. 

To have a completely transparent moment (gasp), I had gained about 15 pounds pre-pregnancy due to a long month in a boot (thanks to tendinitis in my foot) and really struggled with that emotionally (read: ate too much because I was depressed and wasn't able to exercise).  Then found out I was pregnant and gained another 40 pounds.  I have lost 30 so far, but that last 25 is kicking my butt (mentally and physically).  It's hard to see other moms lose their baby weight so quickly.  I mean, good for them, but I just don't like feeling left out.  Can you hear it?  Poor me!

I feel most of the time I am roaming blindly through my faith.  I don't feel like a very strong Christian and I have a lot of doubt and questions (which I think to some extent is completely normal).  On top of that I start thinking that I am not a good enough wife or that I am a lousy mother.  And this extra weight certainly doesn't make me feel like much of a woman.  With all of these heavy things weighing me down I just spiral and keep going, going, going.  Don't worry, there is some light at the end of this tunnel.  :)  I know I am being kind of a debbie downer (sorry, but I want to stay authentic here).

I recently signed up for daily devotions to be sent to my email address from Proverbs 31 Ministries (thanks, Trisha!) and WOW.  The past two days God has really been talking to me, little old me and reminding me of what I most need to hear.  First, that Satan is my enemy and he will do anything and everything to tear me down.  I mean, just read this verse:

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."  Ephesians 6:12 NIV

Satan knows the areas where I struggle the most and because I am human and weak, he finds ways to crack the surface and from there brings me down.  Just recognizing this truth helps me realize what is really happening and what I need to do to combat it (prayer, remembering God's promises, and thinking on things that are true).

Second, condemnation does not come from God.  Satan will break my confidence and I'll start to feel all sorts of hideous things about myself and my life.  God's truths will re-build my confidence that condemnation tears down.  Another good verse to remember:

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  Romans 8:1 NIV

From my devotion from this morning,  Melissa Taylor writes:

Our part is to know God’s promises, respond to His truth, and believe it! Staying saturated in His Word and taking time to listen to His voice is the only way we can overcome condemnation. Reading devotions, digging into books on our specific area of struggle, participating in Bible studies and talking to Jesus through prayer helps re-build the confidence that is ours in Christ.

I sit here tonight feeling a bit refreshed.  I am still broken, but I am starting to feel like I will be able to overcome this obstacle like every other one before it.  And as I become stronger in my faith, I would like to believe that these lows will not be as, well, low.