I have been feeling sorry for myself today. I hate when I allow myself to have these feelings. They are almost like a drug I cannot shake. Remember my previous upbeat post about starting my new part-time job at Caribou? Yeah, it's causing me anxiety and I am feeling overwhelmed. I know I should not dwell in it. I know this. Doug and I had been praying for an opportunity for me to work (if that is what the Lord wanted) because we could really use the extra income right now. And then he opened not one, but two doors. And I chose the one that seemed more "fun". And it will hopefully be, but it's also going to be hard and tiring. Just two hours of training last evening left me tired, sore, and - well - drained. And I was home by 8:30 p.m. My schedule normally will be getting me home around 10:30 p.m. I know I will build up my tolerance for being on my feet and staying energetic well into the evening, but right now I feel pooped just thinking about it. And that's not all. I have to find pants. That fit. That do not have the word maternity on them. That have loop holes so I can tuck in my shirt and wear a belt. I don't even own a belt (and I won't go into my feelings right now about tucking in shirts). I have a hard time finding pants in general. I am petite (read: 5'3") and most pants are too long or fit weird. I hate, hate, hate shopping for pants. I also have to invest in a pair of non-slip shoes. Like they have to be certified non-slip shoes (and say so on the sole). The cheaper the pair, the less support I'll have while on my feet. You can see where this is going...can't you?
Our pastor has been doing a series called: the me i want to be and it speaks so clearly to Doug and I in this season of our lives. I know when we look back on this time we'll see tremendous growth, even though right now it doesn't feel that way. I don't want to have to work. I wish money wasn't an issue for us. I know Doug feels the same way. We talk about it almost daily. But now more than ever I am trying really hard to be open to God's leading and walking in faith. He knows the plan for us. We can wish and hope and pray for it to be the way we want, but ultimately it's not up to us. And I am learning to be okay with that and to accept what IS and make it work. I don't always do the best job of that, but just writing these words down has helped. So thank you for reading this and being a part of my story. (I am including some Bible verses below that are bringing me comfort tonight.)
Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Proverbs 3:5-6 - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
Philippians 4:6 - "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
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