Okay, here's the thing. Remember this post? I've been thinking about it since I hit "publish" and wanted to delve into it a little deeper. I think it came across as "poor me", which in all honesty, maybe it was. It is pretty obvious that I struggle with the whole "I am a stay-at-home mom, but it's difficult financially" thing. I mean, just the fact that I do get to stay home is the biggest blessing. I shouldn't complain about all of the "extras" I feel we miss out on. I am tempted (too often) to think that I need things that I do not. And I battle feelings of guilt that I have to say no to something when it comes to Audrey because we don't have the money [right now]. Or my biggest struggle: comparing my life to other peoples' lives. Which is just silly and gets me no where. I have met a handful of stay-at-home moms (since becoming one myself) and they all seem to have the thing in common that I do not; money to spend on the things I wish I could afford. (At least it seems that way.) But, thinking on this only makes me start feeling like I am missing out on something or that Doug isn't a great provider, because I'm not and he is. I am so appreciative of his hard work and willingness to battle rush hour traffic and spend 10 hours of every day away from us. He is my hero and I love him so very much.
We knew it would be difficult to get by on one income, but I don't think we truly had a concept of what that meant. Still, it was a choice and we often revisit and reaffirm that we would be sacrificing something either way. It just boils down to what is most important to us at this moment. And right now, that is me being home with Audrey. And money is just money. It's nothing special (sure, it pays bills) but it certainly does not buy happiness and we are happy. Ridiculously happy. So I will keep telling myself how very lucky we are and tuck my blessings away for another rainy day reminder.
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