Only The Lonely

I'm in a really weird mood tonight.  Missing Doug.  Feeling lonely.  Wishing I had a friend to talk to {but I am out of my anytime minutes so that's not gonna happen}.  On Monday night {despite my best - or not so best - efforts} I totally broke down and cried.  Just a little.  I don't do "alone" well.  But tonight it got me thinking, it's not good to depend on someone else to the point of you're miserable when they are gone.  I love Doug.  I am crazy about him.  I depend on him.  But, it's not good when he is my whole world.  {I don't like admitting that.}

Part of it is the whole stay-at-home mom aspect of my life right now.  I wouldn't trade or change it for anything, but it means I spend {almost} 24/7 with a little 14 month old who cannot hold a coherent conversation.  That gets old.  Fast.  I count on the breaks in the evening when Doug comes home and we co-parent.  Eat dinner together.  Give Audrey a bath.  Put her to bed.  Talk about our days.  Relax and watch a little How I Met Your Mother {can I just say that I love instant Netflix?!}.  Crawl into bed and whisper good-nights and I love yous.  Then fall asleep curled up next to the one I love.

I guess the silver lining with Doug traveling for work is that it reminds me how very thankful I am for him.  And how I really need to cherish the time we do have together.  I can get so caught up in the little things that have no real importance.  You know, "can't see the forest for the trees".  Through a mutual friend on Facebook I stumbled upon a guy named Jeremy.  He is fighting against cancer and other maladies.  He is going up against a procedure that has a 20% chance of killing him {he'll die otherwise}.  He has a wife and 3 young boys.  He's currently writing each of them a letter {in the event that he does die} and he's having a hard time finding the words.  I can't blame him.  It makes me stop and think, "what am I doing with my life?".  I want to be living more intentionally than I am, but I don't.  I wish someone could shake me and make me realize that I can be living the way I want to be.  I have a choice.  {A daily reminder would be great.}

So this turned out to be kind of a melancholy post and possibly a little morbid.  {I apologize.}  Like I said, I am in a weird mood tonight.  Tomorrow is a new day and, Lord willing, I will have another chance to make my life what I want it to be.