Tantrums

You know how people talk about "terrible twos"?  I am wondering about "terrible ones".  Up until a couple of months ago Audrey was the sweetest, happiest, good-natured kiddo I had ever met.  Sure, she had little meltdowns here and there, but they were few and far between.  Then around 13 months she completely morphed into a different kid {in my opinion}.  And it's only getting worse.  She will even throw fits in public; in public.  She's never been one to be anything other than completely and utterly happy when out and about.  It was part of what made going "out" so much fun.  Now I want to hide inside.  :-(

The fact that she's teething is most likely contributing, especially her sudden attachment to her pacifier.  Since she was sick for about a month, I would let her have her paci during the day for extra comfort.  This was both good and bad.  Good because she seemed happier with it and bad because she grew dependent on it.  We are now back to trying to wean her off of it {except nap and bed time}.  It's hard for me to deny her it when she asks me for it; Doug on the other hand is okay being the "bad guy" as he put it.

I am hesitant to blame teething completely.  I have mentioned before how fiercely independent Audrey is and she is really pushing her boundaries with it.  She wants to do things herself which, okay, isn't a terrible thing, until there is something I need to help her with {getting dressed, changing her diaper, putting her shoes on, etc.} and she completely freaks out.  I'm talking bashing her head into the ground, flailing, turning over {this pertains to the diaper changing}, screaming, screeching, swatting at me, kicking {she's a hard kicker too!} and crying.

I do try to distract her, let her hold things, sing her songs, play silly games to get her attention, etc.  But sometimes nothing helps and too often it feels that way. 

I have these thoughts on an almost daily basis: What happened?  What did I do?  Seriously, I sometimes {or a lot of the time} feel maybe it's something in my nature that has corrupted her.  I mean, I am not the most patient/gentle/expressive-in-a-good way type person...so perhaps it's something I did?!?  Ironically {or not so ironically} I pray on an almost daily basis for more patience.  I am aware that this is a weakness of mine.  Then something happens {i.e. Audrey pitches a fit} and I lose it.  Then I repent, ask Audrey to forgive me, and pray for more patience.  Repeat.  What's the definition of insanity?  My picture might be next to it in the dictionary.

I have requested several different books from the library to start reading up on positive discipline.  I don't believe in spanking.  Period.  I believe in approaching discipline in a positive, loving, but firm way.  The problem is, I have no clue what that looks like.  I feel a bit lost.  Which is where the books come in to play.

• Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen
• Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen
• Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn
• The Everything Parent's Guide to Positive Discipline by Ellen Bowers
• The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp

I just hope they come in soon and I have opportunity to glean some wisdom from the authors.  I am pretty desperate for help!  Doug traveling certainly hasn't been helping {and we found out he'll be going for another 2 1/2 weeks mid-April after about two weeks home}.  I am so ready for our "normal" to resume.